***Candid writing in effect*****
I was on the phone and had the most interesting conversation about patience and expectations…
Sooo in my humblest of opinions, these two go hand in hand when trying to develop “something” friendship, relationship, or even in marriage. Too many times we fail to exercise patience at the first sign of an “issue, concern, or dislike”. We jump right into defense mode, or try to mitigate what we believe to be a problem, before allowing the darn thing to unfold and reveal itself. Where does it leave us? Hmmmm for some, looking the fool. Y’all heard the saying “when you ASSume you make an A** of yourself.” Never been more true when this tactic is employed to defuse an issue that doesn’t EVEN EXIST!
STOP & THINK
Making an assumption, that people know, or will know how you will feel about something is probably one of first and WORST things a person can do. I’m sure this derives from something we’ve experienced in our past. The sucky part about it is that we slowly begin to drag this type of baggage into something new. When deep down it’s because we have our own issues to work out, putting us in a vulnerable state with others.
I’ve made an A** of myself enough times, and take FULL responsibility for at times sabotaging my own happiness. A few things about me that have changed in the last 3-4 years:
- My serious lack of patience
- Being extremely impulsive
- My response to disrespect.
Owning these characteristics wasn’t the easiest things to do. But definitely help me better communicate my expectations and help extend my patience rope.
Which brings me to expectations. Stop setting the bar high as the heavens. Does that mean lower your standards, or morals for the sake of happiness? Absolutely not. Everyone is not like you, and certainly cannot read your mind. If they aren’t aware of how you feel, how can you expect them to respond to your needs? You kick them out door before they knew what was coming. Totally unfair. A very popular defense mechanism within friendships, and in relationships.
It’s just amazes me that we expect others to know us so well, while in a “developing” stage, and end up offending ourselves, all because someone else lack the magic power of reading your mind.
Now, I’m not a professional therapist or counselor, but I am definitely speaking from experience. I’m a blessed 34 this year and have learned and grown from such common mistakes. If you want a strong friendship, relationship, or marriage you have to manage your expectations of people, and exercise patience, more IMPORTANTLY communicate!
-It takes a strong man to love a broken woman, and it takes a Humble woman to support a changing man.